The Drinking Game
- Drink whenever you hear the film's dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-BAM-BAM theme song.
- Every time someone says "Paco", yell "Paco!" and drink.
- Drink every time Paco does some weird kung-fu move that you've never seen before.
The Movie:
The tagline for HANDS OF STEEL is "30% human, 70% machine and 100% lethal." It should have read: "30% TERMINATOR, 70% OVER THE TOP and 100% terrible." Although both of those lines still miss the most important thing about this film: it's about a cyborg named Paco. Yes, Paco.
The film was released in 1986 and the future its writers imagined for 1997 had environmental devastation and homes decorated with air duct material instead of Bill Clinton and raves. Paco the killer cyborg (Daniel Greene) is tasked by a sinister businessman to kill the leader of a kind of Green movement on steroids, but Paco only goes as far as wounding him before his conscience takes over and he flees into the Arizona desert.
There, he finds work at a rough-and-tumble bar that is (of course) owned by a very attractive blonde (Janet Agren, who also played Varna in RED SONJA). This bar is home to a number of arm wrestling competitions, some of which including having the looser's hand brought down in front of a poisonous snake (damn the 90s were harsh). Paco spends the middle of the movie taking all comers ("You're as strong as a wet fart!"), engaging in bar fights and earning the lust of the bar owner until a hired hitman just HAPPENS to stop at a strip club where he HAPPENS to overhear some men talk about this super-strong stranger (and we HAPPEN to see a lot of titties in the process). This leads to the hitman (aided by an insane female cyborg who appears to be wearing a skirt made of saran wrap), aggrieved arm wrestlers and even the FBI all converging on Paco for the finale and, well, let's just say there are lasers, semi-truck chases, and everything else you'd expect from the 80s.
It's pretty fucking awesome. Make fun of it with us this Thursday.